You may not call the people in your life that you’re instinctively drawn to, who can look at you and know something’s wrong, or who knows what you need to hear a magnet. These people are such an abnormally strong pull that is the only way I can describe what they are to me. These women have counseled me through the suicidal times, the PTSD that I didn’t want to have, let alone start the long hard road towards freedom from those terrifying moments that would trigger uncontrollable panic, depression, or wanting to crawl back into that deep dark pit I had grown accustomed too. These women saw through my performance and were not going to allow me to continue hiding behind a character.

I thought I had all the magnets I needed or wanted. I didn’t think there would be anymore because magnets can see through the pain, struggles, and fears I deal with on a daily basis. I honestly didn’t want any more magnets because I was tired of crying, fighting, acting, praying, and dreaming. I didn’t believe God would send me anymore because I couldn’t handle more. I just wanted to stay in the safety and comfort of the familiar. I didn’t want to dig any deeper into my emotional cup because I was getting close to the bottom, where all the darkness started and where I would have to strip down to the core. Where I would have to break again in order to feel, see, and hear what I was afraid God was calling me to do; to have complete and utter faith in His plans for me.

I recently volunteered for Kerygma Summit (kerygmasummit.com) running the merch table for one of the speakers. I had met her at last year’s conference and before her breakout session started, we chatted briefly and would wave when we’d see each other in between sessions but I was extremely stressed and guarded during the conference and didn’t allow anyone to break that wall for fear of being seen as a failure. I don’t know if I already could feel that pull towards her then but I could relate to her because she also had a theater background. I thought nothing more about it. After all, she’s on my favorite podcast and it was nice to meet her but that’s all there will be and I was thankful.

I was originally assigned to another speaker’s table, but due to some last-minute changes, I was assigned to hers. I laughed because I’d been praying for an opportunity to attend her break-out session this year and possibly chat again. I, in no way, was expecting what I experienced over the next three days. All I wanted to do was serve wherever and however I was needed. I just wanted to work. I just wanted to make sure everyone else was taken care of and that whatever you needed, I would jump in 1,000%. I knew that these three days would be good, and a few days away from what I was struggling to understand might give me a chance to reset. What I got was way more than a reset, and I don’t know how to describe the kind of surprised joy I felt during those days.

If you’ve never worked on an event like this, typically, the speakers are not involved with setting up their merch tables because there’s a lot that they do before, during, and after the event. So, I was surprised that she helped her assistant set up her table and then made sure I got the 4-1-1 on all the prices and how her payment system worked and thanked me for just being there. As soon as she started talking to me and wanted to get to know me, I felt it. That unmistakable pull to spill the emotional baggage I was desperately trying to keep in the overhead compartment.

Why? Why would God choose this woman, whom I only knew through a podcast and a brief chat a year ago, to be another magnet? I didn’t want anymore. I had just started to accept that my dreams were to remain small, that my passions and gifts were to be used occasionally, and that I was to be content where I was and to just keep waiting. This woman was a light when I needed it the most. She didn’t need to set up her table, make sure I was okay, or even make time to surprise fans by hanging out for a few minutes to sign her books they just purchased.

Each day, she would tell me that she appreciated what I was doing for her; all the while, God spoke through her to finally break me. He broke me to the core. He knew that I was waiting for something completely different. He knew that the words He prompted this woman to look me in the eyes and say would rattle me to the bones. He knew that those three days would bring clarity to what He’s called me to do. I have never been told that my gifts, talents, and passions were more than I believed them to be, that they were part of who I am no matter my doubts about how to use them, and that the pull I have towards them is valid and affirmed in Christ. I finally removed the wax from my ears and heard what I’d been so afraid to believe was possible and where God was calling me.

I will be forever grateful to this woman who went out of her way for a stranger who just wanted to serve whoever and wherever I was needed. Her kindness, compassion, and ability to see what God sees in others have humbled me and shown me that no dream is too small, no gift is wasted, and no passion is worthless.

• Jeremiah 29:11