What The Facts of Life, Law and Order: SVU, and Rizzoli and Isles taught me.

Growing up, there were a lot of people I looked up to and still do today. Most of them are female actors who are strong and accomplished in the entertainment industry. These women are still significant influences in my life 40 years later. The shows they were or are still a part of have helped me work through insecurities, goals, and issues that, as an actress, I had trouble expressing unless it was through a character I was portraying. Before you jump to conclusions about my acting career or lack thereof, let me explain. For the first 22 years of my life, I was either on stage, backstage, or in the audience of my local university’s theater, then I was a character performer at Disney for seven years (a story for another day), and my last performance, as of this writing, was eleven years ago on the same stage I frequented 18 years ago.

            What Lisa Whelchel, Nancy McKeon, Mindy Cohn, Kim Fields, Mariska Hargitay, Angie Harmon, and Sasha Alexander have done for me besides providing excellent acting and writing inspiration, but the realization that I was missing something that I haven’t had in a long time. The deep, close friendships that are essential aspects of the shows they are a part of and continue to keep me rewatching over and over again, the many lives that have been changed because of what these shows have brought to light in order to make a difference in the world, and that no matter how bad I am hurting I am not alone.

            The Facts of Life showed me that I can’t continue to hide behind what people see on the outside. I miss acting because I no longer have a character to hide behind in order to work through what I was scared to express as myself. I identify with each character and the actress who played them because I saw my flaws, needs, and insecurities through them and envied their beautiful friendship on and off the screen. I thank Jo, Blair, Natalie, Tootie, and the writers for helping me as a teenager and now adult to not be afraid of my feelings.

            Law and Order: SVU showed me that, as an independent woman, I will always be met with resistance but that kindness, compassion, respect, and hard work are still the recipe for not only a good work environment but also what it takes to sustain a friendship. Captain Benson has encouraged me to not give up on finding the good in a situation, even when I can’t see the good in myself.

            Rizzoli and Isles showed me that we bring out those sides of each other that, to some, might be weird, but to those who love us, are what make us unique. They push us to embrace all our quirky and strange characteristics no matter what the world may think. Detective Rizzoli is me, keeping my emotions inside, getting the job done before acknowledging what scares me, but in the end, I need a Doctor Isles who notices those slight changes no one else does and who can break down the wall I’ve built around my heart.

            You may be wondering if I have any friends, and the answer is yes, I do. Those whom I consider close are in other states and countries, making it difficult to get together, and I didn’t realize how much I needed more than a phone call, text, letter, or video chat until I moved back to my hometown. If you’ve moved away from home and then come back, even if you were not gone long, you still change, as do the people you were close to. There was no fallout or anything; you just grew up and moved on with your life. When that happens while you’re in other states, moving back makes it much harder to find those connections again because they now have families, careers, and other interests.

            Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them and enjoy seeing their kids grow up and chatting when we cross paths in town. We’ve started new chapters in life, and that’s how it’s supposed to go. What’s been hard for me is acknowledging that, as an independent, introverted, single woman, I probably shouldn’t enjoy being alone as much as I do, nor should I consider socializing with my parents (we live on a farm together) as my social quota for the week. No, I don’t believe that I need to become an extrovert or make plans on my off days to fill my social quota with those who are not coworkers or family. I am saying that I won’t develop the close friends I crave if I don’t try. I will always be an introvert who prefers being a character on a stage or in my stories, but that won’t help me find my Jo, Blair, Natalie, and Tootie. Nor will it allow me to connect with my Captain Benson, Detective Rizzoli, or Doctor Isles.

John 15:13